Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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