If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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