I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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