Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
