Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
