god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize