he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
