I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
