My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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