I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just invented taco cereal.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
he had hair everywhere except his balls
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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