It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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