Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
