I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
