she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
