You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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