what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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