does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
