This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
