She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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