are you still at the devil's house?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
