Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
