I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Green mimosas i think yes
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
