Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
