I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Randomize