My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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