rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
