Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
