I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
