i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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