i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
