I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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