There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
