this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
