is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
