Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
