if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
