literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
