Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
