The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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