After last night, I could never be a politician.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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