He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
