i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
