also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I am spending my child support on dildos
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
