Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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