You made me cry and you don't even care
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
