is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
