The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
