I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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