You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
