Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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