awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
