Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize