I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
