i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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