Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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