mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
