Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
