Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
