dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
