Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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