fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
