my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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