i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
