the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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