She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
