i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
