i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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