I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
