Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
