Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
