next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
