I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
