So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
